Today, i did something i shouldn’t of.
it was weird. i cant really go into huge detail because just in case someone finds out about this, but i just wish i wouldn’t of done it.
i hate this feeling, i feel like sick inside. almost like a disgrace. when my mom talks to me its all i can think about. i feel like a bad person. i mean im not but it sucks when you feel like you are. i kind of wish i could take it back. i don’t want to live life like this, because it feels really wrong. but i guess you can change the past. only the future.
im probably not going to blog for long. i dont have the thoughts or the time like i used to, to keep up with it. not like anyone is reading it anyways. i made it because i wanted a diary that nobody knew about. i could just write my thoughts and not have to worry about it being found. but im on the internet. if people really wanted to the could find this. good thing i wont ever say my name. so i guess ill just be a secret.
right now, i have a lot going through my head. so i guess i will just babble about it. haha get it babble? that’s why i call it babbleloft. lololol. i crack myself up. i asked my moms best friend for her nephews number today. hes only a year younger then me. she freaked out and was like why? ????? i hate when people try to know everything, like nosy people get on my nerves. and she is diffently one of them. whatever i guess. i mean i don’t like him or anything. i don’t even really know him. plus i have a sort of boyfriend. so it doesn’t matter anyways. i guess i just wanted someone to talk to because i feel so lonely all the time. its nice to have a boys attention sometimes. i haven’t text-ed him yet because i don’t know what to say. like how do i tell him i asked for his number? that’s just AWKWARD.
i guess im just going to go to bed because im going over to my friends house tomorrow with my other friend. im probaby just going to sleep on the couch because i dont feel like going into my room.
this song is so beautiful. i love it. everything about it makes me happy. i just wish someone cared about me like this. also i love hunter hays. hes so beautiful. his voice just like melts me.
haha. im lame.
im bored at 12:26am. so i can be lame.
good thing nobody reads this shit.
I keep wondering about my future.
right now, i picture it as living with tyler. us being grossly in love and happy. us having Lola and another dog in the mix. im not sure what kind yet. i want it to be a bigger dog like a st. bernard or mountain dog. Lolas only the size of a medium dog. we both love animals so we will have alot. we already will have Lola, Jagger (snake, ew) and a cat because sometimes i believe that tyler is part cat. he informed me of this last night:
we will have a cat or we will not live together.
im kind of scared for the future. im scared of what ill become or who i will be. i dont know what im saying. im new to this, ill write more later.